The Roommate Series: Tale of the Unappreciated: Final

Part 4 Silent

I wish i could say that i stopped hanging out with Rebecca but i can’t. Rebecca was really my only friends at college, she was the only person i really talked to on a daily bases and we worked two jobs together. It felt easier to put everything aside and move on. Rebecca’s grandmother had a house on the beach, so Rebecca had invited me and Katie to the beach for the weekend. When we were setting out to get on the road to the beach, Rebecca knew i was hungry because i haven't eaten yet that day. So she told me she would stop somewhere that was in the direction of where we were going.

I'm direction-ally challenged, like really. Sometimes i still struggle with my rights and lefts. I wonder, if i'm a little slow or just stupid that is I still struggle with something so simple. When Rebecca said we were going west and to choose something that way, i honestly had no idea what way that was or what kind of fast food was that direction. So i said Bojangles, which was apparently the opposite.

I immediately knew that Rebecca was annoyed. She sighed and said “ That's the opposite direction we going in. Pick either KFC or McDonalds.” I got McDonalds and we were on the way. The rest of the drive went okay, nothing bad or good happens. The first day at the beach was fun, we drank and had fun at the house. It was fun but it was also not. I’m not a drinker, i don't like the taste or smell of almost anything alcoholic. So while they were getting drunk, i was drinking soda and having fun watching them be drunk. Which to me is just as much fun as being drunk. But i knew that they thought i was lame and bring the party down by not drinking. That was ultimately the problem, not the drinking but that they thought i was boring.

I know that i am boring, but i thought that we at least like each other's company but i was proven wrong. The next day we sent the day out at the beach and around town. I thought we had a good time, we sat at the beach, it was still cold out, and i'm a grandma in a young persons body. So, i didn't lay out to tan, i hid under my towel and played in the sand and looked for cool seashells. From the beach we went to the boardwalk and walk around the stores and got dinner.

Both Rebecca and I had said that we wanted to do something. I said that i thought it would be fun to watch a movie. Rebecca wanted to get in the hot tub and drink. Getting in the hot tub sounded like fun to me. Once we were back at the house, we started to play cards against humanity, it was fun (or at least i thought so). Katie started going through the movies on Netflix, asking us what we wanted to watch, i saw the movie unfriended. I had been wanting to see for a while. It had my favorite actress in it. Rebecca said she had already seen it and Katie had and will always be her friends and not mine. As soon as Rebecca said she'd already seen it, Katie went past and continued to look through the list.

After 10 minutes of looking and no one saying anything, Katie sighs really loudly and looks over at Rebecca, with a look i can only guess said something like “why isn’t she saying anything”. Rebecca had decided that she had, had enough. From the other side of the couch she turned to me and said ‘You look miserable, you have to help choose what to watch. You're the one that wanted to watch a movie. I wanted to get drunk in the hot tub. Whys you stop playing the game? You have to participate. You weren't happy at the beach, you stayed under the towel the whole time like a grandma” i never know what to say in the moment. I'm always kicking myself later for what i should have said. This was definitely happened in this moment.

“I was fine at the beach, i was having fun collecting seashells, and it's not my turn. I put down that card, how is it my fault the game stopped when it's not my turn?” during this discussion Katie had been sitting between us, not saying anything just looking uncomfortable. Until i was done talking the she went back over to where the game cards where laying. She sat down where her deck of cards was. “I put down that card, so its Rebecca's turn.” So Rebecca and i moved back over to the game t ball, but the happy fun mood was gone. We finished the rest of the game in silence. When the game was over o got up silently and went to the room i had been staying in.

Rebecca and Katie stayed out in the living room, talking, laughing and drinking. It didn't matter to them that i had just left the room upset because i guess to them, i brought it on myself and didn't deserve for them to care. The next morning i was up first, i heard them go to bed last night together. Since i am a nosey bitch and i always want to hear what people are saying about me, so that i know and can try to alter wither my behavior or my relationships.

So when i heard them get up, i went to stand outside the bedroom and listened to what they were saying. Its was the usual, Sara’s so unhappy and she always wants to do the most expensive things, she’s so boring. I had heard it all before and thought it about myself before. Can you imagine how completely crushing it is to have someone agree with the worst things you think about yourself?

I was silent for the rest of the day, in the car ride back that day, i heard Katie and Rebecca talking about how i was never happy and i wouldn't stop talking about bojangles and that was so annoying and how it hurt Rebecca’s feelings and she even told her mom about it. That was the most unbelievable part, i had thought they understood i was making a joke with the bojangles, i had been picking on the fact that i was so stupid that i didn’t know what direction we were going. Apparently it didn’t come off that way. We got back to campus and i didn’t talk to them again for the rest of year.

Why am i telling you this? I decided to tell this story becauce i wanted people to understand how their actions can hurt. This is my truth, this is how i saw things, this is how i felt. Is it different from their perspective? Probably, everyone remembers things differently, and maybe they have reasons for the things they did, like i do. If any of them are reading this, i want you to know that i didn’t write this to villifie you, i wrote it, to set myself free, from the memories and the feelings. If one day you want to tell me your truth, i will listen.

To anyone else reading this, i want you to understand that you are important, your opinions and feelings are important. You never deserve to be treated unfairly or to be excluded from anything. I hope you find the courage to stand up for yourself and demand to be treated well. I hope this story taught you, just because you think your being understood doesn't mean you are. Stand behind what you believe in. i believe in every one of you reading this.

Thank you for listening to my story, i hope it helps someone.