I wish I had paid more attention when...

I wish I had paid more attention when my mom was alive. You always think, you'll have forever with people. At 6 I didn't really understand death, al I knew was that my mom wasn't going to come home again; and that I can't remember the last time I told her I loved her before she died. My mom died when I was, and I spent the rest of my life pretending I had one. I would never mentien her to anyone. I would just always say "I live with my dad"; and people drew their own conclusions. As I got older; there wasn't anyone there to teach me all girl things, that other girls mothers taught them. I had to teach my self everything I know about being a woman. How to do my makeup, how to shave, do my hair, the period talk, I learned it all by myself. I will always wonder, how I might have turned out if my mom had been around to raise me. Would I be different? You know what they say nature vs nurture. Am I the way I am because it's my nature, it's who I was ment to be; or is it because of hte way I was raised. Would a mothers nurture have changed who I am? I don't have the answer to that. All I have is more questions. Would her like how I am? Would she approve of my choices? My answer, it depends on the day.

Dear Mom,

I love you,

I miss you,

I hate you,

I resent you,

I need you.

Why did you have to go?